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I absolutely hate feeling like this. My anxiety level is through the roof. I'm so fidgety, I can't get comfortable, my blood pressure is way too high, I feel nervous, mad, sad, like I could burst into tears any second, and I don't even want to talk to anyone. I'm a mess. I'm so tired of being so self-conscious, critical of myself, and so fucking pessimistic about every goddamn thing. I honestly cannot remember a time I felt this bottom-of-the-barrel, down-low, shitty. I kind of feel like I need to start reading up on ways to love myself, self-affirmations or some other kind of nonsense, just to scoop me out of this funk, even if it's temporarily. A tiny part of me feels like, I can't possibly be so shitty as to make everyone who I think hates me, in fact hate me. But most of me feels like yeah, I am that terrible. I don't belong anywhere, really. I don't fit in. It's making me reeeally miserable. I feel like I'm in high school or my freshman year of college all over again, where everything is scrutinized and I just want to curl up somewhere and not be seen. Not that I'm really seen anyway, except to maybe have my negative qualities analyzed (which is basically all I possess, so.). Ugh I think I've again reached the point where I'll have to keep coming up with excuses to not go out, so I can avoid that type of situation again. I know people will tell me I have to get over this, that it wasn't that big of a deal, but when your confidence is already paper-thin, something like that will shatter it. And it did. So here I am.