some more, i guess

This isn't okay anymore. I'm getting physically ill from all of the emotional pain I'm going through. I can't eat, I've been throwing up, and I don't want to move. I've been in bed for 17 hours. I don't understand why someone who "loves me" isn't making time for me in their life anymore. Even if I say something, it's not going to change. He already paid for everything. And anyway, I don't really feel like it's my place to say anything about what he does with his money. But it does affect me. I hate being home alone. It just makes me cry more, because I know I can get away with it without any questions. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I don't even feel like we're in love anymore. I don't know what this is. But it's not the same. And it's not good. And it's obviously not healthy. You know, I kind of thought we were going to get married but now I'm starting to see that I'm not part of his future. He isn't taking me into consideration when he makes his plans. I can't even cope anymore. I'm just absolutely miserable.It breaks my heart to know that I'm not a priority. i don't feel special anymore. Everyone around me seems so much happier, and I'm moving beyond jealousy to cynicism.