pain

is it possible to have anxiety and depression at the same time? i think that's why im flipping out. it's the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. you're feeling incredibly down from the depression, but the anxiousness is more of an uppity, jittery feeling. i dont know if im coming or going. my whole body hurts, i have a migraine, and i've barely eaten in two days. i really wish i knew how to talk about my problems. i think a lot of my issues could be solved a whole lot faster.it's not even like i want to internalize everything. im not stupid. i know it's not good for me. but in jumps the anxiety and paranoia again, and i have these crazy ideas about how everything will get horrifically fucked up if i do open my mouth (not stopping to think that keeping it closed is just as bad). i got one text tonight that kind of gave me some sense of validation. i would like to hear more things like that. but i dont see it happening. im just too needy. i really feel like im being phased out of his life, and i dont think he gets it. theres no point in me trying to explain myself when it's just going to fall on deaf ears. i dont see myself in his plan for the future. actually, the problem is, i dont think he HAS a plan for the future. i dont know where this is going. it's starting to seem like maybe we dont share the same ideals. my head hurts so bad i cant even think.... i'm really tired of crying in public, though. its pretty embarrassing. then i have to do the yawn trick because you know, sometimes your eyes water when you're really sleepy. i dont think im fooling anyone. i'm really miserable. i'm hoping to just get over this without actually needing to have a conversation with him. i'm not sure i want to actually hear what he has to say. i think i'm just going to try to not see him as much. i have to start preparing myself for being lonely somehow